Tuesday, November 4, 2014

Birchbox is Making Me Thankful This November

Once a month I'm forced to come out of my hygienial hibernation and test out some quality grooming products. I pay twenty bucks to BirchBox and in return they make me look like a million bucks.

Programs! Get your programs! You won't know whats what without em!
Scrubbing bubbles for your face.

The never ending quest for a decent face-wash continues as Birchbox sent me their third offering. I really like my wife’s Walmart face wash because it smells like a lemon drop. However, I’ve come to the conclusion that I need something of my own, and the last two offerings have been...underwhelming, in a chemically smell kind of way. This stuff, however, has a mild scent to it that’s simple and soothing in the same way that warm laundry soothes a cat, or myself. But the best part? The bubbles. This stuff foams and feels like you’re brushing your teeth, but got carried away and just decided to go the whole nine yards and lather up the rest of your face. Your face ends up feeling good and clean… just like all the other ones, but with a better smell and more enjoyable journey.

Not actually for use with sponges.

My first official BirchBox purchase was some English Laundry Pomade that I ended up loving. I like this stuff better. Sometimes I don’t have the 60 seconds it takes to do my hair. My usual routine involves me kneeling outside the tub and placing my head under the faucet at full power. I then apply my product of choice and go on my merry way. This wax shaves my routine of the precious seconds it takes to half drown myself in the morning. Yes, you caught me, I don’t shower EVERY morning. Did you ever think that maybe I just shower at night because I don’t like going to bed sweaty and gross? This stuff makes it possible to mold my hair into whatever shape I desire...which tends to be just regular hair shaped.

Someday I hope to be worthy enough to use these.

These are $12 pencils. Despite feeling nice, looking great and coming in a fancy box; they are still $12 pencils. I love the way they look and I’m enamored by the fancy packaging. I feel like they’ll make me be a better writer and that I could maybe draw really well if I used them. But that’s mostly because they’re $12 pencils.

My biggest problem with this notebook is that I feel I’m incapable of filling it with anything worth it’s cover price. I mean, it’s not the best looking thing in the world, but a stylish notebook like this deserves better than what I can offer it. The pages are heavy duty paper with stylish grid dots. The whole thing has a very minimalistic feel, again making me feel woefully unsophisticated because of my general use of cheap knock-off brand notebooks. Unfortunately I did not receive the red notebook. As was the case with the Wallet they sent me a while back, I got the blue version. If they really cared about me, they would have scoured my social media posts to find out that red is my favorite color (even though it’s secretly purple).

Might I interest you in some pepper water?

To my wife’s horror, I’m developing quite a collection of asthma inducing aromas. While I don’t mind being prepared for any situation, this was a less than ideal scent. It was spicier than previous samples I've received, but not in a pleasant way. On the whole, it was unremarkable, which is saying something from a small glass bottle that came packaged with an exotic postcard in a sheer rice paper envelope. I mean, cologne and perfume is known for it’s pretentious marketing schemes, but usually they have a strong enough scent to warrant the proverbial parade that this thing was packaged in. I’m familiar with this brand, and I realize that all their samples are packaged as such, but out of the three I have, I only like one. And that’s only because it smells like lemonade.

Birchbox continues to mock my sedentary lifestyle.

This was the second month in a row  that I've been given a product for gentlemen with rough hands. I think BirchBox is subtly hinting that I need to have a more active lifestyle. The jokes on them, I’ve been spending my days off working in a cabinet shop using my own two hands to move rough slabs of wood from one area to another. While my hands are far from calloused, they managed to get nice and dry on the knuckles and this stuff did the trick, soothing my burning finger tips and chapped knuckles I was able to endure the pain. I am, however too embarrassed to offer such a product to the gents that work full time doing this, as they have never complained about such problems despite having hands that look like chunks of sandpaper.  

Birchbox is a monthly subscription service that sends grooming samples and lifestyle items based on a profile you customize. Here is my referral link, you can use this get me bonus points so I can buy myself nice things.

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