Tuesday, August 5, 2014

Martin and the Dentist part 1

It's been a while since I've released any fiction on this blog, so I may as well start with a weird one. Bellow is a short story that may or may not become a series of connected stories about a fictional man named Martin Montgomery. I hope you enjoy the first introduction to this little personal writing exercise of mine. I would love to hear your

BONUS: Now with 2 minute sticky note cover art!





Martin and the Dentist Part 1
  The scientific, theological and metaphysical implications of a man’s emotions violently ripping themselves from his being to become sentient life forms is a disturbing and puzzling notion to comprehend, let alone see. This is especially true when those emotions choose to begin manifesting themselves the day the man in question is scheduled to have his first root canal. Curiously, this is precisely what happened to Martin Montgomery, an unassuming 27 year old young man of an utterly dull mixture European descent and a hint of Japanese ancestry. Consequently he is completely unaware of this dash of Asian flavor to his bloodline. Like a large number of young caucasian men, he simply attributes his love of Japanese animation to some sort of pretentious notion that the Japanese animation film industry is lightyears ahead of the western industry in both style and story structure. Even comparing the two industry makes him chuckle smugly. He is mistaken, he likes it because it’s in his blood.

Martin enjoys the thrill of going to the dentist as much as the next guy; which is to say he enjoys it less than the notion of playing dodgeball with an irate pufferfish, but he wouldn’t mind giving Waterboarding a go if it meant skipping a trip to Dr. Brenton. Nevertheless after foolishly reading health consequences associated with NOT getting a much needed root canal on WebMD, he opted to subject himself to one of the last legal forms of torture in America.

The morning of his appointment, Martin’s day was indistinguishable from the previous 345 days (not counting weekends, of course). It’s all the usual rabble you see in movies. Picture a montage of a man observing his disheveled self in the mirror. His hair is laughably (not to the audience, but probably to the writer of the film) messy, he yawns exaggeratedly and begins brushing his tee- no. We’re skip all this.

Martin doesn’t sit down to a nice breakfast consisting of toast and eggs with a tall glass of orange juice set next to a hot mug of coffee. This is because he’s single and he’s actually human being and not some advertisers pipedream. He goes to Mcdonald’s and gets three breakfast burritos. His impending dental procedure is going to cost him more money than he spent on his trusty Oldsmobile, so he wants to save all the money he can. This is, however, a dietary habit he unsuccessfully attempts to kick after reading the WebMD article on high cholesterol.

Martin sat in the deceptively comfortable examination chair, awkwardly facing a wall that had the nerve to exist without so much as a single optimistic poster featuring a kitten clinging to a rope. Dr. Brenton waltzed into the room, which was no real feat as the room had no back wall. each exam room consisted of three walls. Rather than erecting a fourth wall with a door in the middle, the architect must have consulted a psychiatrist who informed him that a sense of camaraderie thrives among individuals suffering similar traumatic experiences together. Now Martin could clearly hear the shrill sound of small drills boring through tooth enamel, and the sharp grunts of pain emanating from the other patients wafted through the non-existent wall and door.

Dr. Brenton was the kind of woman who knew what she wanted and when she wanted it, and she was determined to dedicate all 349 pounds of her body weight to the sole purpose of hollowing out Martin’s upper left second molar. Martin donned a pair of dark glasses in order to retain some semblance of masculinity. It was futile, the tears flowed freely. The procedure didn’t start out as bad as he had anticipated. He was less annoyed with Dr. Brenton’s thick Boston accent than he was with the frequency in which she used it to make small talk that demanded a response. Removing one's mind from a given situation is a rigorous process that takes deep, deep concentration. It becomes exponentially more difficult when your skull is in a constant state of rattling.

“You hahdly need a proerceduh this invasive” she explained, offering information that would have been far more pertinent before the drilling started. “It’s bettah to get it ovah with though. Bettah Nah than latah.” Martin would have laughed if he hadn’t been so extremely uncomfortable. The roof of his mouth was the Sahara desert, hot, dry and cracking. The lower half of his mouth however had become the Atlantic ocean, a body of water he was more than capable of drowning in. Discomfort was ok. Even drowning was fine with Martin, just so long as this professional sadist didn’t snag a nerve. Which she promptly did.

“Why is she electrocuting my head? No. Wait, she’s just lit my mouth on fire, that’s all.” Martin thought to himself as he inhaled the entirely of the ocean resting at the base of his mouth and squealed like an infant banshee who was in need of a diaper change and a good feeding. The sharp sound and sudden jolt was unexpected by poor Dr. Brenton. She had assumed that this rather masculine looking fellow in dark shades was incapable of letting out such a high pitched plea for mercy and a swift death. Because of this she, much to the relief of the furniture in question, slipped off of her stool, and drove her drill through the remainder of the nerve. Martin saw a white light, that he knew wasn’t death’s sweet embrace, but he ran to it, just in case he was mistaken.

The pain coursed through his body in a way that reminded Martin of his 4th birthday in which he did not receive “Homeward Bound” on VHS, except that had been a deep depression and this was something else. sheer, raw and unfiltered pain. Martin was screaming, Dr. Brenton was screaming- or cheering for the Red Socks, Martin wasn’t sure- and the humanoid shape emerging from Martin’s shoulder was screaming as it protruded rapidly from his body. As the pain subsided Martin’s screams grew louder, fear replacing pain. In the corner was Dr. Brenton laughing at the scene, primarily due to the large amounts of Nitrous Oxide she was forcing herself to gulp down as a coping mechanism to the horror that was unfolding.

The now fully developed being plopped onto the floor of the dental office and with it plopped the remainder of that shockingly electric feeling in Martin’s mouth. The thing was no longer humanoid, it was human, a man to be exact, fully clothed in a pair of cheap gym shorts and a rumpled T-shirt.. Martin had, for all intents and purposes, given birth to a fine young man. Martin fainted and dreamt that he was staying up late worried sick about someone that was out well past their curfew.

When he woke, Dr. Brenton was white as a sheet and in a much less talkative mood. She had apparently placed the crown and finished up the rest of the procedure with no more people emerging out of Martin. As he signed the credit card receipt Martin attempted to approach the elephant that wasn’t so much in the room as it was the room itself. “What, uh. What was-”  “STAHP!” Martin and Dr. Brenton stared at each other. The procedure was the last one for the day, and everyone else had gone home before Martin was finished. It was just the two of them as the local soft rock station began it’s late afternoon “love songs” show saturated the air.They stared deep into each others eyes. Had a fully grown man not popped out of Martin and, more importantly, had Dr. Brenton been anyone else, Martin might have felt almost obligated to kiss her. However, it WAS Dr. Brenton and, though now he wasn’t 100% sure, he at one point during the procedure thought that a man just might have popped out of his shoulder.

The silence was long and uncomfortable, but it wasn’t eternal. two seconds before the bell indicating that someone had entered the office rang, Dr. Brenton went, as impossible as it seemed, even whiter. Martin turned around to face a grimacing individual that had features strikingly similar to his own and was wearing a crumpled T-shirt and black and blue gym shorts. Two words managed to escape his racing brain: “My son.” it was a stupid thing to say, honestly Martin wasn’t even sure why he said it. What he had anticipated to be a nightmare fueled by pain and anxiety was now standing before him, hunched over and grimacing. “Oxycodone.” the grimacing man replied in a gravelly voice that oozed pain. Martin began hyperventilating. He didn’t know what that meant, he didn’t know who or what he was looking at. Dr. Brenton knew one thing at least. “Hear!” she snapped, with no hint of her trademark accent. “Oxycodone.” she tossed a crumpled up prescription at the man that had just entered. It bounced off of his head and onto the ground. The man let out an exaggerated groan as the paper lightly hit him on the head. “Pick it up, will you Marty, my knee feels like it’s about to gnaw it’s way out of me.” Martin picked up the prescription and held it out to the man, wondering just what he meant about his knee. He then bowed politely to The dentist and then the man. It was a gesture he had never used before, but it seemed appropriate. He then swiftly left the office and decided to scour webMD for illnesses that affected ones memory and how exactly to contract them.

Wednesday, July 30, 2014

Get off my lawn, Birchbox. You're too early. August 2014

Embrace luxury you filthy swine.


Birchbox is trying it’s absolute hardest to convince me that it is August. My calendar disagrees. Despite it being the 29th day of July, I received my Birchbox in the mail yesterday, which is fantastic because I have very little patience in regards to when my anticipated mail arrives. For the uncultured swine that may read this and are unaware what Birchbox is I’ll clue you in. Birchbox sends me a few samples of grooming product and one lifestyle item every month in the mail. I pay them $20 and they make me smell like the manliest of roses; more commonly known as pine cones or moss rocks. My wife was using a lot of reverse psychology on me with this box. There was a lot of “that scents going to give me an asthma attack” and “That bracelet looks weird” so naturally I knew she loved the whole thing.
Good luck keeping your precious calluses.


Baxter of California; Moisturizer: I’m not really a lotion kind of guy. My problem isn’t necessarily that I enjoy cracked skin, it’s that I don’t want to reverse the years I’ve spent culturing these manly calluses on my hands. Seriously, they’re bound to pop up within a year or two at this rate. My fear is that if I apply lotion every night my hands will become indistinguishable from my wifes. That being said, this stuff isn’t greasy. The benefit of this is that your hands don’t feel like you’ve just massaged a hagfish and if you find yourself in a room that spontaneously catches fire you won’t be trapped because your hands are no longer compatible with standard door knobs. It’s a good lotion that does the trick with little scent and no grease.


Warning: Does Not Prevent Backney.

Ursa Major; Face Wash: Endless emerald fields of mint and rosemary violently erupt into your minds eye when the invigorating aroma of this face wash permeates your olfactory system. Until it suds up and blocks your nostrils so you breath out of your mouth and suddenly discover it tastes nothing like the smell. Suddenly those fields blur into a dark bitter world filled with sharp, irritating sensations. The effect is worsened by attempting to wake from the nightmare. Pain jabs into your retinas like hot needles should you attempt to raise your eyelids prematurely.. You can’t breathe, you can’t see and all you feel is pain. Aside from making a few minor mistakes while using this, the experience was quite pleasant and my skin felt nice and fresh. Would use again (with slightly more attention to caution).

Actually just a nice smelling rock.

Dr. Squatch; Pine Tar Soap Bar: This tar black bar of soap was responsible for an (arguably) pleasant aroma that I originally took to be bug spray permeating from my mail box. I can’t decide if this is the best bar of soap I’ve ever used or the worst. The bar itself smells like essence of pine-soul. That is to say the soul of a pine forest, not Pine-sol the stuff used to poison that little girl in The Sixth Sense. The Birchbox itself smelled like a concentrated dose. The soap smelled nice, but seemed to have left it’s strength lingering within the box. It contains chunks of oatmeal in it so that you get a nice exfoliating clean feeling. This furthers the illusion that you are in fact rubbing a pine cone against your more sensitive areas. And when they list pine tar as an ingredient, they aren’t kidding. This thing bleeds black, to the point where the bottom of my tub looks like a black hole. It’s the best smelling coal pinecone you’ll ever groom with. I think I love it.

Wait...This isn't Dapper Dan!!!!

English Laundry; Pomade: This is some Don Draper next level pomade right here. The goop has a silicone futuristic look and feel to it. I was skeptical when I scooped a small heap onto my fingers. My concern was this: What if Birchbox had successfully set up a subscription grooming business for the solitary purpose to prank thousands of paying customers into putting glue or acid or something on their head. The board members would laugh and laugh and I would look like a fool. Unlikely. I spread the concoction through my mop and suddenly had complete control of my otherwise anarchic hair. Neo learned Kung Fu in seconds using futuristic technology; I got nice hair. This is probably my most likely “re-buy”.

I don't even- I can't belie- What am I suppo- Huh?

Bison Made; Double Wrap Bracelet: I once left my home riding a schwinn one-speed bicycle wearing a fedora, boat shoes, and a deep V neck T-shirt. I was also wearing Rayban aviator shades and had my zune sitting snugly in my khaki thigh length shorts blasting NPR so that I wouldn’t have to trouble with my bluetooth headphones. I did this all for the sake of going to the local food co-op to pick up kale, greek yogurt and some coconut water. I felt less pretentious that day than the moment I put this leather scrap onto my wrist. This is seriously a thin strap of leather that’s meant to wrap around your wrist twice. That’s it. It wouldn’t be so bad if they didn’t claim the regular retail price to be $40. FORTY DOLLARS! We’re talking more than the Pathfinder core rulebook, more than a couple expansions for Smash Up, more than the Cornetto Trilogy on Blu Ray! Is it comfortable? sure, as far as much as a thin leather strap on your wrist can be. Does it look good? You bet! for a leather strap. Am I wearing it? Absolutely! I had to give it a fair test drive, and it’s at least worth the judgmental glances my wife gives it when she sees it smugly resting on my wrist. It’s like a hippie merit badge. Pretty soon I’ll be on my way to becoming a Woodstock scout (like Eagle Scout...get it? it sounded better in my head) like my sister, Julie. ***That top story never happened. I haven't succombed to that level yet.***

Julie covers her blemishes with bracelets. 

Conclusion: I was absolutely aware that this bracelet was a potential lifestyle item this month, but I was really rooting for the boxer shorts (again). Every month it seems like they’re giving out good quality boxer-briefs and let me tell you, there is nothing in the world so fantastic as wearing a brand new pair of high quality boxer-briefs. Try as I might, this leather wrist band would never pass for a pair of underwear. All in all, I’m still enamored with my subscription to Birchbox. I’m trying out products I would have never bought in a million years, and it’s awesome getting goodies sent to my door each month

If you’re interested in trying it out, the investment is small and in my opinion worth it. Men's box is $20 a month and Women's is $10 a month but comes with no lifestyle item. I get a bonus if you use this link, so use it.

Saturday, July 5, 2014

Birchbox man: July 2014 review

The box is like a very impractical cardboard drawer. But isn't it cute manly? 

I have become an elite member of society, distinguishing myself from the common vermin that plague the majority of the surface of the world. I've earned this new position by paying $20 a month to an online company that sends me fancy soaps and lotions every month. Because of this, I look and smell like a 1970s department store mannequin. It’s fantastic. This month’s Birchbox was delivered far earlier than anticipated, which certainly helped boost that impatiencey vibe I've had going on lately. It contained a few surprises, the lifestyle item not being one of them, because I cheated and watched a “preview” video before obtaining my box-o-loot. Also, I need to point out that like 90% of the people that review Birchbox have a similar table as me. Enough chit-chat let’s get cracking on this review.

If I didn't want to, I wouldn't even have to look at the items in the box.



Alfred Lane “Bravado” Solid Cologne:  This is a cologne that you don't spritzing on, rather, you dab your fingers into the waxy concoction and massage it onto your "pulse points". Despite using cologne very infrequently, and never in the past while on vacation, I would say the tin and solid-state makes it a decent travel companion; though a little on the quiet side and terrible at road trip bingo. The scent is described as having hints of tobacco, gun smoke and victory. If a campfire decided to attend a Halloween party dressed as a sexy cowboy, it would smell like this. It’s a very manly scent, but since that term is in constant flux I would say it’s the Val Kilmer as Doc Holiday sort of manly, rather than the Val Kilmer as Ice Man.

Does it smell like a sexy campfire in here to anyone else? 



Clinique For Men SPF 24 Moisturizer: It being the 4th of July this weekend, and me being an American, I played baseball (or Chicago ball, I should say. It’s similar to baseball except it’s slow pitch and requires no gloves because the ball is so large and soft). And because I played baseball, I was out in the hot sun, which gave me a chance to use something that has become absolutely necessary after living in Washington State for over 3 years; Sunscreen. Now normally it is not a necessity, but because it was actually sunny outside for a change, I was going to have my newly developed vitamin D deficiency challenged. I didn't burn and it wasn't greasy like other sunscreens, so it worked!   

You mean I can moisturize my face while protecting it from the evil sun? 
  
Coola After-Sun Lotion: I ventured out last week and made a lemon meringue pie completely from scratch for the first time in my life. It was absolutely beautiful. The crust was buttery and flaky, the filling tart and fresh, and the meringue was thick and perfectly browned on top, becoming an excellently sweet compliment to the other components of the dessert. Had I been so inclined (and it was tempting) to place my face gently into the center of the pie dish and then rub it around for a while, it would have smelled about the same as this after-sun lotion did. The product worked well enough, but I have found greater relief from the sun with a simple bottle of aloe vera with a less powerful smell.

Warning: Not Edible

Number 4 Hair Hydrating Shampoo (and Conditioner): I received a generous sized sample bottle of the shampoo and then a small foil packet of the conditioner. Smell is a huge factor in my enjoyment of these samples, and this one wasn't unpleasant. It did, however make me think back to when I was 9 years old and spending the weekend at my grandparents and they decided my hair was far too long for a respectable young man and that it ought to be cut by their personal barber who happened to work at the nearest fantastic Sams and had an incredibly thick Vietnamese accent (run on sentence! it was going to be longer but I got lazy). It smelled like that trip. A little of this stuff goes a long way, I put, what I thought was a conservative amount onto my hand and lathered it right up. Within seconds it was as if I was massaging a smooth mixture of soft serve ice cream and peanut butter onto my scalp. In texture, that is not smell.
The conditioner had a simple, clean smell to it. unlike other conditioners I’ve used in the past, it washed out. It’s always a nice feature, when you can wash the conditioner out of your hair, because who has time to wait an hour before your hair stops feeling like pond scum? Also it made my hair silky smooth.
"He must have just come from the salon; look at that hair!


Harry’s Truman Razor: It has been close to three years since I used a cartridge razor. As it stands I’m a firm “double sided safety razor” kind of guy. I love my Merker, and enjoy a closer shave at a fraction of the price. I’ll say this for the “Truman Razor”: it offers a ton of flexibility. You can shave any which way and the flexible head will bend to your every will. It offers a close shave and comes in a variety of stylish colors to match… you know, stuff. The handle, though as stylish as Danny Zuko, is made of plastic. Just like every American man, I received a gillette razor in the mail for my 18th birthday for free, and that was a stylish razor that felt far more sturdy(and had a precision trimmer to boot!). I also miss the double sided nature of a safety razor. I could have two good swipes without having to rinse, with the cartridges I was forced to rinse twice as often. If only the handle were slightly longer, I could have had a decent tool to combat unsightly back hair. When I finally decide to shave my chest hair into the Batman logo, I'll have the correct tool for the job.


It's the razor your face deserves, just not the one it needs right now. 


Conclusion: The Razor was honestly a bit of a disappointment. I knew that it might be coming, but expected a sturdy construction. It gave a decent shave, but not near enough of one to sway me from my current routine. My hair is silky soft, and my skin is glowing (I hope that's normal). The cologne was my favorite bit this month, it has unique and convenient packaging, and smells pretty great. The beauty of Birchbox is the veriety you get in stuff to try. If you like something from your box, you can buy it from their online store with free shipping.

If you're interested in signing up for Birchbox yourself, I'll give you my referral link so that I can glean from your impulsive lifestyle get points for your decision. They have a women's box as well, it's $10 a month and does not include a lifestyle item.

Check out my review of June's box here.


Tuesday, June 24, 2014

Everything's Free at the Library!


A credit card you never have to pay off. 

They were right! They were all right! The library is absolutely fantastic! Before this starts sounding like a min-90s PSA for the benefits provided to the community by the library and the cultural and sentimental value it provides, I want to just emphasize this one fact: everything is free at the library. Probably the single biggest physical media cache in your area is offering everything it has for you to borrow, for free. If it isn't at your particular library, you can go online and literally have other libraries send you what you want. Sure it's not going to satisfy the instant gratification offered by internet services, and maybe it won't be as quick as ordering a movie or book off of Amazon prime. BUT IT'S FREE!

My local library has an online catalog that allows me to log into my account and search for items at any library in the county. I can reserve items and when they're available I get an e-mail saying it is available for me to pick up at my local branch. Look into doing this for yourself. I have consumed thousands of dollars worth of books and movies over the last few years of rediscovering the library. Here are examples of what the library has to offer.

Cascades of books!
Books: Kind of a no brainier, but when I moved up to Washington, I decided to spice up my evenings by reading this author I had heard about by the name of H.P Lovecraft. At this point in my life I was living in a trailer on my future in-laws driveway. Needless to say, my discovery of the father of modern horror was a fun re-introduction to the free bookstore.

It's like reading, but with more pictures.

Comic Books: Back in the day, my library card was solely used to rent absence amounts of Garfield comic collections. I spent hours, reading funnies in the library, and when it was time to go checking them out by the dozens. That has remained largely the same, with the addition of graphic novels and larger more "serious" comic collections. Lately I've started the Sandman, Astonishing X-men, and Bone series. Anytime a new Marvel film approaches theaters, I tend to rent a few comics in the series, most of which are in the system.

E-ink is your grandma's technology. 

E-books: I literally don't even have to leave my house to access the most convenient form of reading there is. I own a Kindle Fire HD and am capable of borrowing library books for free in the Kindle format. I download the book and it stays on all my devices for 2 weeks (after which I can renew or request to borrow it again at the soonest time possible). I then can access it on my kindle, phone and any web browser I have access to. 

Fine cinematic art is at your disposal.

Movies: This method takes far more patience than is culturally customary. It's not Netflix, VOD or Hulu or any other service that equates to instant gratification. It's not even Redbox, but it's cheaper than all of those options. What I've found to be effective is to keep a running list of movies that I want to watch eventually on my library account. Right now I have Saving Mr. Banks, Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure and Apocalypto sitting at home. I only watch about 3/4 of the movies I check out from the library, but my options are always there, and sometimes I can find DVD's that aren't available for streaming at all. 

It's like a physical iTunes.

Music and Audio Books: Seemingly the biggest loophole in the RIAA's ongoing war against illegal music downloads seems to be sanctioned by the US government. Libraries offer a huge collection of music on CD, again you can request any album in the system across multiple libraries in the area. Even more attractive to me as a commuter is the vast array of audio books available over multiple formats. These things sell for large chunks of money and you're probably only going to listen to them once. Or you can just borrow one and call it good.

You can get even more from your local library, everything from community events, free usage of the latest consumer reports and a number of other programs. It's one big free bookstore, and there are tons of them all over the country. Utilize them, they are fantastic. 



Sunday, June 22, 2014

BirchBox June 2014 Review

I mentioned in a previous post that I was going to try the Birchbox subscription for men. Birchbox sends me a box once a month for $20. Included in this box are grooming samples suited to my profile preferences, as well as one "lifestyle item" (which was a pretty nifty wallet this month). I received my first box yesterday and have since tried out everything in the box. This is what I thought.


This is what the box looked like, it had a little slide out drawer that contained everything.

Each box contains a card explaining what you're looking at.


Smurf Skin Wallet.
 J Fold brand card carrier: This is a slim wallet that's designed to hold just a few cards along with some cash. I got the blue one. I switched to a slim wallet a while back and have absolutely loved it. I'm giving it the ol' college try, switching out my $4 slimclip. This wallet doesn't hold as much as my slimclip, only about five cards. But it has the added benefits of being both soft and looking like it's made from Paul Bunyan's blue ox. If you haven't at least tried a slim wallet, it's well worth consolidating your wallet, especially if you're still carrying around a thick bi-fold walled it your back pocket. 

Almond Tart and Sand Face Wash.

Baxter of California Facial Scrub: My favorite sample. This facial scrub was like taking a Dutch almond tart, mixing it with gravel and sand and then rubbing it on your face; but in a good way. It's an exfoliating scrub that is recommended to be used twice a week. The exfoliation is a coarse sandy texture that works to remove dead skin and such. Also, it smells like a delicious pastry and leaves your skin feeling like dolphin hide. 

Hotel Soap That You Swipe While on Vacation.
Proper Bar Soap: This soap was nice, but it was essentially a glorified hotel bar soap. It lathered up nicely and had a very "standard clean" smell to it. My skin felt not overly dry like it did in my "Irish Spring" days. That being said, I don't think I would spend $10 for a full sized bar, not unless it was made from goat milk and kumquats.

The cheapest Fancy Shaving Cream!
Proraso Shave Cream: I like this shaving cream. So much that I am currently still working through the bar soap version of this shaving cream right now. Still, I gave this a shot to see if there are any differences. If there are, they are too few to notice. The shaving cream uses eucalyptus and menthol to add a refreshing kick to your shaving routine. It's not going to make your face feel like freshly brushed teeth, but it's a nice refreshing feel. If you get distracted while shaving and take too long to complete the task the cream dries and flakes, making the shave less than perfect. This is easily avoided if you just shave in a timely manner.

Concentrated Island Smells in a Bottle.
English Laundry; Tahitian Waters Cologne:  I don't wear Cologne often, but this was a pleasant enough scent. The name is apt, it has smells of coconut palm trees with that standard, sharp scent familiar to all cologne and perfume products. Fun little sample, not an overly strong scent but enough to add a little something extra to your routine.  

Conclusion: I tried out every sample within a span of six hours. The last time I wore that much fancy stuff was on my wedding day, and even then I didn't have the nice shaving cream. The wallet is practical and a nice upgrade, something I'll be using for a while. The rest of the box offered a chance to broaden my pool of grooming products, but the only two I could see myself potentially buying more of is the shaving cream (since I already buy it) and the facial scrub. As an inaugural box goes, it wasn't too bad at all. Not disappointing and can't wait for the next box.

If you're interested in signing up, here is a link to the program (yes it's a referral link and will help me out if you sign up through it).  It's $20 for the Men's box and $10 for the Women's. The Women's box omits the lifestyle item (the wallet in this instance)




Monday, June 16, 2014

Animal Translator

Three things happened in the last year that convinced me to make a video where I give voice to animals. 1) I received video editing software for Christmas from my wife. 2) I bought a microphone off of amazon and wasn't entirely sure what to do with it. 3) The most important reason was that I recently emptied the contents of my media library from my phone and stumbled upon some videos from the zoo and of my cats. Now I know what you're thinking: "Wow! Narrating animals for humor?! That's such a marvelous idea, I can't believe no one else thought of that!". And you're right. I'm shocked too. The idea of giving artificial personality to animals is a vast untapped oil well of creative humor, and I am the first person to ever stumble upon it.